Signposts
Another two weeks have slipped by. It has again been a very interesting time for me. I met the woman I mentioned in my previous post. She is incredible. I met with my wife and asked her to agree to accelerate the divorce (she agreed). I have been riding, running and working out, and I am preparing for my vacation in Texas. This while Uncle Sam continues to demand 110 percent of my attention.
I finally met the woman and her adopted daughter. It was a short drive to our agreed-upon meeting place. We already knew from corresponding that we had much in common. Meeting this way felt a little odd, almost like meeting a long-lost family member. I felt I knew her fairly well, but I was a little anxious when I walked into the coffee shop to meet her. Then I saw her, we hugged, and though it took a little while, the anxiety eased and was replaced by a great sense of child-like joy and heart-felt communication. We played at a local park (swings, merry-go-round, see-saw; things the little girl was thrilled about) and walked quite a bit. It went by so quickly, and I haven’t seen her since, but it was enough time to get a real sense of each other and realize there is more at play here than mere coincidence. I have never been with someone who thought so much like I do. Given my upbringing in so many countries and locations, I wouldn’t have expected to.
Since then, we have been calling and writing, and we will meet again very soon.
Weeks ago, my wife invited me to spend some time with her while she attended a work-related class at a hotel not far from here. I had agreed to go for a couple of days (my days off) after she told me there were two beds in the room and I could do whatever I liked to do while she attended class. This visit just took place last week. So she went to class and I ran and went swimming, etc., and then we would have dinner together and do a little light shopping. I had mentioned the other woman before, but I wanted to speak with her face-to-face about the latest development in my relationship. I told her that I plan to pursue a relationship with the new woman. She was upset, but she told me that she understood and she hugged me. I am sad that she feels pain over this, because I know she is basically a good woman. But I also know we never really did have much in common, and I could not continue to take her abusive silence for the rest of my life. I will always love her, and I will always be her friend and ready to help her in a time of need… except as her husband.
My son called me and spoke to me about the situation. He said he understands my actions, as well. Still, I know that this feels odd for him.
There are times in life that we must take actions that cause pain in order to reach a greater good. My life had become a morass and I was unable to do be the light that I had always intended to be. I would come home because I was her husband, and at first I would try to speak with my wife. After a few years of her anger and insults, I began simply hiding in my study and whiling away the time. This made her angrier because I wasn’t doing things that she expected me to do (but refused to mention to me). I paid most of the bills, even though her income was equal to mine (and is now greater), and I often did not have enough money to buy adequate food or clothing. I know she didn’t mean for it to be that way, but it was. Finally, I knew I had to make a change, and when I moved out, my life had an amazing transformation.
My wife was upset that I met the new woman online. She considered it an unfair violation of my agreement to wait. I must admit that I tried one of the online matchmaking services for about a month out of curiosity. I sent the woman a brief e-mail because I read her description of herself. Shortly after that, both of us decided on our own to remove our descriptions from the service (I canceled my account), but she responded to me and we began a dialog. Just one of many coincidences in our brief relationship.
I do not believe that there is a detailed plan and that we must all do the things we are predestined to. I do, however, believe that sometimes God puts little signposts ahead of us in this journey, and we can choose to see them or ignore them. In this case, I’m confident I made the right choice. Did I make the right choice the first time around? Let’s see, the two of us were together long enough to raise a beautiful boy who is now a confident and capable young man and a wonderful son. There is no question in my mind that I was meant to be his dad (I am not his paternal father). I know it was the right thing to do; I followed the signs. Now I’ve taken the exit and I’m heading down another avenue.
I finally met the woman and her adopted daughter. It was a short drive to our agreed-upon meeting place. We already knew from corresponding that we had much in common. Meeting this way felt a little odd, almost like meeting a long-lost family member. I felt I knew her fairly well, but I was a little anxious when I walked into the coffee shop to meet her. Then I saw her, we hugged, and though it took a little while, the anxiety eased and was replaced by a great sense of child-like joy and heart-felt communication. We played at a local park (swings, merry-go-round, see-saw; things the little girl was thrilled about) and walked quite a bit. It went by so quickly, and I haven’t seen her since, but it was enough time to get a real sense of each other and realize there is more at play here than mere coincidence. I have never been with someone who thought so much like I do. Given my upbringing in so many countries and locations, I wouldn’t have expected to.
Since then, we have been calling and writing, and we will meet again very soon.
Weeks ago, my wife invited me to spend some time with her while she attended a work-related class at a hotel not far from here. I had agreed to go for a couple of days (my days off) after she told me there were two beds in the room and I could do whatever I liked to do while she attended class. This visit just took place last week. So she went to class and I ran and went swimming, etc., and then we would have dinner together and do a little light shopping. I had mentioned the other woman before, but I wanted to speak with her face-to-face about the latest development in my relationship. I told her that I plan to pursue a relationship with the new woman. She was upset, but she told me that she understood and she hugged me. I am sad that she feels pain over this, because I know she is basically a good woman. But I also know we never really did have much in common, and I could not continue to take her abusive silence for the rest of my life. I will always love her, and I will always be her friend and ready to help her in a time of need… except as her husband.
My son called me and spoke to me about the situation. He said he understands my actions, as well. Still, I know that this feels odd for him.
There are times in life that we must take actions that cause pain in order to reach a greater good. My life had become a morass and I was unable to do be the light that I had always intended to be. I would come home because I was her husband, and at first I would try to speak with my wife. After a few years of her anger and insults, I began simply hiding in my study and whiling away the time. This made her angrier because I wasn’t doing things that she expected me to do (but refused to mention to me). I paid most of the bills, even though her income was equal to mine (and is now greater), and I often did not have enough money to buy adequate food or clothing. I know she didn’t mean for it to be that way, but it was. Finally, I knew I had to make a change, and when I moved out, my life had an amazing transformation.
My wife was upset that I met the new woman online. She considered it an unfair violation of my agreement to wait. I must admit that I tried one of the online matchmaking services for about a month out of curiosity. I sent the woman a brief e-mail because I read her description of herself. Shortly after that, both of us decided on our own to remove our descriptions from the service (I canceled my account), but she responded to me and we began a dialog. Just one of many coincidences in our brief relationship.
I do not believe that there is a detailed plan and that we must all do the things we are predestined to. I do, however, believe that sometimes God puts little signposts ahead of us in this journey, and we can choose to see them or ignore them. In this case, I’m confident I made the right choice. Did I make the right choice the first time around? Let’s see, the two of us were together long enough to raise a beautiful boy who is now a confident and capable young man and a wonderful son. There is no question in my mind that I was meant to be his dad (I am not his paternal father). I know it was the right thing to do; I followed the signs. Now I’ve taken the exit and I’m heading down another avenue.
posted by Louis at 5:00 AM
2 Comments:
I feel blessed to have you on my side. Thank you. :)
im really happy, too, to hear that things are looking up for you. you're definitely right about the "signposts" along the journey that is life. im so proud of you for having the awareness able to recognize these signs, and the courage to take the risks that they direct you towards. staying on the straight and narrow road might be the smoothest path, but it isnt necessarily the best one. it is only by taking the detours, and travelling along the "scenic route" that you get to enjoy all the beauty around you.
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