Fear, Love and Religion
Tonight I did something that I wouldn't normally do, but it says a lot about my frame of mind lately. I was walking from the train to a nearby shopping mall in the rain. It was late, about 2100, and it was dark. I was waiting to cross a street at the crosswalk. I waited for the pedestrian crossing light to change as I typically do, even when others ignore the safety signal and cross anyway. As the signal changed, a small truck came to a halt just past the white line, and I began to cross legally. Suddenly, the truck lurched forward, and my instant reaction was to try to stop it by slapping it with my umbrella. The truck shuddered quickly to a halt, and I was seeing red. I shouted at the driver, “The F*CK is wrong with you?!” If you know me, you know this kind of question is unusual. As I continued walking, I noticed the driver was on a cell phone and had probably been distracted. He said, somewhat sheepishly, “I didn't see you, man.” My umbrella had been inverted so that the “bowl” it forms was open to the sky and one of the tines was bent awkwardly.
There are two basic sides to me, the side that loves and the side that fears. The side that fears is the warrior. I can choose to fight or flee. The side that loves is drawn to others. Tonight it was definitely my fearful side that had control. Too many times this side has gotten the better of me. Fortunately, it has also saved my life on several occasions, but I would like to have better control over this part of myself.
Part of my effort to accomplish this goal is the fitness regimen. Another part of my “fitness” plan has been my spiritual quest. I have read the Old and most of the New Testament. My parents are Christian, and most of what I have been exposed to has been Christianity. But somehow the sermons and the churches never quite satisfied me. My greatest fear has never been fully assuaged by Christians close to me: What about all the non-Christians? What about the Muslims and the Hindus and the Buddhists? What about the pygmies in the rainforests and the natives living in the dark recesses of Africa? The answer I’ve been given has always been that God reaches all of us.
And I believe it. But I don’t believe that God finds each of us and tells us, “You can only be saved through Christ.” Also, I believe that God is all around us, and that God does exist in animals, too. If you’ve ever owned a pet that was very dear to you, the best example I can draw upon being my dogs, then you know the unconditional love you share with a pet is God-like. And it goes both ways, so what does that say about the pet? That it is soulless?
So I’ve been trying to make sense of my beliefs. Perhaps no one on this Earth feels the same way that I do. Then tonight, a friend of mine, who often sends me curious articles about the discovery of a new planet or an unusual fish, sent an article to me that I think is starting to set the pieces in place for my belief system.
It was an article about Buddhism, and it included quotes from the father of famed actress Uma Thurman. His name is Robert Thurman, and he was once a Tibetan monk. Yes, I was surprised to discover this, but what was even more surprising is his fundamental belief that we must soften our rigid identities – race, religion, national origin – because these identities are what cause conflict. I have long believed this. Christians have waged war in the name of God; Muslims wage war in the name of God, members of the Aryan Nation hate blacks and Black Panthers hate whites. And I see that all of this hatred is born of fear and not resolved by religious conviction.
We have to start loving each other. This might sound strange from someone who has spent so many years as a warrior, but my years in the “trenches” have taught me a thing or two about hate, and had I to do it over again, I might declare conscientious objector status. But it doesn’t matter who you are or what your profession, love makes no demands of us other than that we share it.
Am I Buddhist? I took a religion test at Tickle.com. I thought I leaned toward Christianity because it is the religion I know most about, but the test results indicate that the religion I have most in common with is Buddhism. I was surprised, but now I’m going to dig a little deeper. I don’t know if I am Buddhist, but I am open to the possibility. It doesn’t really matter, though. What matters most is that we stop hating because of our fears. It isn’t easy to love someone when you think he’s about to run over you with a truck, but if I had the opportunity to take the man’s hand now and apologize to him for shouting, I would.
There are two basic sides to me, the side that loves and the side that fears. The side that fears is the warrior. I can choose to fight or flee. The side that loves is drawn to others. Tonight it was definitely my fearful side that had control. Too many times this side has gotten the better of me. Fortunately, it has also saved my life on several occasions, but I would like to have better control over this part of myself.
Part of my effort to accomplish this goal is the fitness regimen. Another part of my “fitness” plan has been my spiritual quest. I have read the Old and most of the New Testament. My parents are Christian, and most of what I have been exposed to has been Christianity. But somehow the sermons and the churches never quite satisfied me. My greatest fear has never been fully assuaged by Christians close to me: What about all the non-Christians? What about the Muslims and the Hindus and the Buddhists? What about the pygmies in the rainforests and the natives living in the dark recesses of Africa? The answer I’ve been given has always been that God reaches all of us.
And I believe it. But I don’t believe that God finds each of us and tells us, “You can only be saved through Christ.” Also, I believe that God is all around us, and that God does exist in animals, too. If you’ve ever owned a pet that was very dear to you, the best example I can draw upon being my dogs, then you know the unconditional love you share with a pet is God-like. And it goes both ways, so what does that say about the pet? That it is soulless?
So I’ve been trying to make sense of my beliefs. Perhaps no one on this Earth feels the same way that I do. Then tonight, a friend of mine, who often sends me curious articles about the discovery of a new planet or an unusual fish, sent an article to me that I think is starting to set the pieces in place for my belief system.
It was an article about Buddhism, and it included quotes from the father of famed actress Uma Thurman. His name is Robert Thurman, and he was once a Tibetan monk. Yes, I was surprised to discover this, but what was even more surprising is his fundamental belief that we must soften our rigid identities – race, religion, national origin – because these identities are what cause conflict. I have long believed this. Christians have waged war in the name of God; Muslims wage war in the name of God, members of the Aryan Nation hate blacks and Black Panthers hate whites. And I see that all of this hatred is born of fear and not resolved by religious conviction.
We have to start loving each other. This might sound strange from someone who has spent so many years as a warrior, but my years in the “trenches” have taught me a thing or two about hate, and had I to do it over again, I might declare conscientious objector status. But it doesn’t matter who you are or what your profession, love makes no demands of us other than that we share it.
Am I Buddhist? I took a religion test at Tickle.com. I thought I leaned toward Christianity because it is the religion I know most about, but the test results indicate that the religion I have most in common with is Buddhism. I was surprised, but now I’m going to dig a little deeper. I don’t know if I am Buddhist, but I am open to the possibility. It doesn’t really matter, though. What matters most is that we stop hating because of our fears. It isn’t easy to love someone when you think he’s about to run over you with a truck, but if I had the opportunity to take the man’s hand now and apologize to him for shouting, I would.
posted by Louis at 5:29 AM
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