Some days are better than others

Yesterday was Easter. It was a good day. I went to visit my wife (we’re separated, and I will divorce her next year, but we’re still friends). Anyway, I cooked salmon and dill with pasta. We shared several hours and ate good food. I got to visit the dogs, who are in a very real way our children.

Today was a workday. Not bad, but still work. There are many things I would like to do in this life, and even though I have walked this Earth for many years, they are hardly adequate to all I would like to do. Mostly because of work, but my job is among the many items on my list of things I wanted to do. I guess most of us would like more money and shorter work weeks so we would have time to pursue other interests. All except for those stalwart individuals who are absolutely enamored by their work and can think of no better way to spend their time (often to the chagrin of their families).

I am actually a pretty happy person, but there are times when I sit at work and wish I could be out riding my bicycle in the sunshine or traveling. I look forward to days off when the weather is warm and sunny and I can actually afford not to run some errand, but rather simply enjoy the beauty of this world, whether in nature or with people I care about.

Yesterday was a good day. Today was okay. Next weekend will be great.

Life nocturnal

It’s 2:40 a.m. and I’m about ready for bed. I tend to stay up late most nights. I have trouble waking in the morning, even when I have to.

Tomorrow (or Today, technically speaking) is Easter. I’m planning to meet my wife (we’re separated) and cook a meal for her. I’ve been meeting her quite a bit since the separation. She wants me back in the marriage. She hasn’t really given me a chance to explain that I don’t have any romantic interests at the moment – including her.

We separated a month ago. Or rather, I separated. For years, she had stopped speaking to me. She acted as if she wanted nothing to do with me. I haven’t made love to a woman in a decade. Our marriage was over before I left. Then I left and she became the wonderful woman I remember marrying. I will always love her, and I would like her to always be my friend, but I’m not going back to a marriage I wasn’t welcome in.

In the quiet hours of the night, I think about this and other relationships I have (and would like).

Late Start

It's been a long time coming, but tonight is my first blog post. I don't know if others will read this and see the ravings of a madman or a Kaczynski-esque manifesto. I might even appear to fit the profile of Kaczynski: a frustrated, middle-aged white male living in the U.S. Big difference, though: I have a religious prohibition toward violence. Still, I have done harm and I have held up arms, but never for my own ends.

I have walked this Earth for many years now, but all time is relative. I don't wish to be cryptic, but neither do I wish to reveal too much information about myself. In order to be (safely) honest, I must protect my identity.

I work for the federal government, in a military and civilian capacity. I have been with the government, in one capacity or another, since I was an infant. I am a world traveler. I am frustrated in love, business and, to some extent, life.

This is not to say I don’t want my life. I could not do things any differently for moral reasons. I live a life of abstinence because it would be wrong for me to live any other way. I can ill afford any selfishness that would bring harm to another, so I indulge myself in my thoughts, my art and my writings.

This blog will certainly be disorganized, and I apologize for that. I will write my thoughts as they occur, so any person who might chance upon this site will be getting it real, raw and unscripted.